During my coaching training, it was emphasized to ask clients this question:
"How do you want to feel?"
Regardless of the goal, that’s a relevant question, and when breaking down why someone wants a specific goal, it can usually be reduced to one feeling… Happiness.
Happiness is so much more than how we look or the material items that we have. It’s about how you feel inside, about ourselves. Nothing external will ever make us truly happy until we are happy within. A new pair of boots may make me ‘happy’, but it’s not true happiness, it’s short lived and superficial. We need to go within to find our true happiness.
I recently watched a video of a young man who shared that he had been advised to undergo physical alterations in order to attain happiness. The young man was not happy, and he was advised that changing himself through surgery would bring him happiness.
One of my sons was born with a facial cleft, he has undergone seven surgeries on his lips, mouth, nose, chin, jaw, and hip (to source bone for a graft in his mouth), plus over seven years in orthodontics. His doctors were always amazed at how happy he was, some nicknamed him “Smiley”. He has seen many doctors of many different specialties, for 20+ years. After his second surgery, during a round of doctor visits when he was about 2 years old, we saw a paediatrician. She had him on the examining table, and was poking him all over, he giggled, then full all out laughing. The doctor was nearing retirement, she said that in all her years, she had never had a kid laugh like that during an exam.
In his teens, another doctor commented how my son was always happy, that other kids who had few problems were miserable and that they could take a lesson from my son. Even after his surgeries when his face was swollen and bruised, we’d have to avoid making him laugh because it hurt him so much. It was really easy to make him laugh!
Let me be realistic here, he is not happy 24/7, he has his ups and downs like the rest of us. Growing up is hard, I would never want to re-experience my younger days. But through some really tough times for my son, I was amazed that he still had his great sense of humour. He is now a young adult and I am still always so proud of him, and grateful for the lessons he continues to provide me.
On a side note, trust your intuition, trust your gut feeling, and if something feels off, seek a second or third opinion, or more. All surgeries are major, nothing can be done to completely undo, redo, or fix a previous surgery. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something that you feel is not best for you or your family.
I view my son as a great teacher for me. He came into this world with big bright eyes, a great big heart, and he shared his giggles often. At my first sight of him, my heart felt like it grew several sizes that day. 💗 He has taught me so much, how to love, laugh, be a better person, and to dream big. Internal happiness and a good sense of humour can get you much further in life, and make it more enjoyable and fulfilling.
So regardless of what you want: How do you want to feel? And why?
Let your brain rest, and just feel. Feel it deep in your heart, the core of you.
What is your soul whispering to you?
As a life coach, I can assist with a variety of life and wellness goals and challenges, but if you require deeper assistance please reach out to a professional.
If you or someone you know is in crisis or needs emotional support, these resources may help.
(Check online for other resources in your area.)
Canada Emotional Health Support resources: